Love in the Time of COVID

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In marriage it is never about not falling, it is always about getting back up.

– Dr Emerson Eggerichs

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There is no getting around it, weddings are a complicated and expensive undertaking. This was true before the COVID-19 pandemic and it’s especially true today. This year both my wedding and my business have been severely impacted by the outbreak of COVID-19. I started writing this post around the same time as my fiancée and I were the focus of a CTV segment on the effect that COVID-19 outbreak is having on weddings in Calgary. Some of the questions put to us in the interview were very thought provoking. How has our wedding been affected? What are we going to do now? Are there any positives? As both a vendor and a groom, I have a unique insight into the quarantine rules and how they are affecting both sides of the equation. Is simpler better? What will be the new norm?

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Let’s put things in perspective.  

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My parents were married in the seventies when the average cost of a wedding was about $2,000 ($10,000 today). While that may seem like a lot of money, it’s nothing compared to 2020 where even a “simple” wedding involves half a dozen vendors, months of planning and $20,000. It is a machine. Once you start layering on flowers, a subsidized bar, wedding party gifts, travel… well, you get the picture. In 2019, the average cost of a Canadian wedding was between $33,900 and $47,500.  

That gives a whole new meaning to the expression “I love you Infinity”

You might not be able to put a price on love…but you can put a price on a car. Last year the average price of new car in Canada was $37,577. If couples were presented with this simple comparison from get-go, it might dissuade a young couple from putting on such a big show. Maybe they would opt to cut costs, and plan a less expensive wedding. Nobody would blame you for prioritizing the purchase of a car…or paying down student debt…or saving for a down payment over spending a day getting your relatives drunk (at a really cool bash). In fact, I think more people would do exactly that if wedding industry weren’t so remarkably adept at hiding the total cost of a wedding. What we experienced in our wedding planning was that behind the industry’s finely polished façade is a myriad of cleverly disguised add-ons, bait items and the ever-present (and predominantly single use) “must have” items that inevitably end up in a landfill (or the back of a closet).

I’m not throwing shade here. Prior to COVID-19, my fiancée, Laurie, and I were planning on having a large wedding with approximately two hundred and fifty people in attendance. Our budget (generously supported by our parents) was around $30,000. That is a lot of money. Maybe we’re looking at this the wrong way. Maybe, we’re getting a second chance to reevaluate our wedding plans.

Stay away nice old lady. If you don’t get me sick, I’m DEFINITELY going to make you sick!

By the time the WHO declared COVID-19 to be a global pandemic, Laurie and I had selected our date, booked our venue and vendors, paid deposits, sent invites and were full steam ahead. Early on, this novel coronavirus seemed like a blip on the radar. “It won’t affect us too drastically,” we said and carried on with planning. We even paid an additional deposit or two.

Then borders started closing.

Then the term social distancing entered our collective lexicon.

Then social distancing became a word we would never forget.

Anybody could be a carrier!

Like many of you, Laurie and I found ourselves in a world of uncertainty with no clear direction from above. The way we saw it, we had two choices:

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Option A: Postpone – Cancel it all and start again later.

• Pro – We’d be able to have the wedding we wanted (but not when we wanted it)

• Con – We would lose several deposits

• Pro – Friends and family who had already booked flights would be able to use their travel vouchers

• Con – We simply do not know how long this pandemic will last or when travel and congregation limits will be lifted

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Option B: Elope – Cancel it all and get hitched on our own someplace.

• Pro – We would be able to have the wedding when we wanted it (but not the wedding we wanted)

• Con – We would have to explain this to our friends and families (not something either of us was looking forward to)

• Pro – That enormous wedding machine I mentioned above would get a lot cheaper

• Con – We want a wedding with our friends and family. This may be redundant, but it’s a real concern for us.

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“Since none of these choices seemed palatable to us, we decided to accept the chaos, focus on the love, and wing it.”

Option C – small wedding now / larger party later.

On June 27th of this year, Laurie and I will be married in our own back yard with our immediate family in attendance. And I mean immediate family: one officiant, one photographer, our parents (I have a few more than Laurie), and our siblings (many of whom have spouses and kids who, sadly, will not be allowed to attend). If all goes according to plan, we will be married with fewer than thirteen people in attendance.

What about everybody else? At the moment, we are planning to hold a party in September for everybody else (stupid virus permitting). The event will take place at our original venue, our original guests will all be re-invited and, as much as we can, we will treat that day like our wedding day.

“Hurt me twice, shame on me”

Because we don’t want to risk losing more time, energy and deposits, if it goes ahead, everything will be scaled down. We’re thinking burgers and beers. We will find a big grill and somebody to run it. We’ll make salads ahead of time. We will have a DJ, a bar and a dance floor. We’ll have a party. Laurie will wear her wedding dress and I will wear my suit. The wedding party’s colours will be all wrong for fall, but who cares? In fifty years, when people are looking at these photos, is anybody going to ask themselves, “Wait, those are spring colours. When did these heathens get married?”

While this is not ideal, it has given the two of us the opportunity to reflect on what’s important, why we are getting married, and why we wanted a big wedding in the first place - to celebrate our happy day with our friends and family. Now that we are in the grip of a global pandemic, those friends and family seem even more important to us - not only on our wedding day, but for years to come. The health of the world trumps a wedding any day, and after examining what is really important to us, I truly believe that we will be just as satisfied with a smaller ceremony in our own back yard.

Getting back to the question, “Why is a generator company blogging about weddings?” Simple, when Laurie and I started seriously considering having a wedding in our back yard, we started reading up on how to have a backyard wedding. Time after time after time, we found that the #1 overlooked item for a backyard wedding was sufficient power. By the time you realize you need more than the outlets on the back of your house can provide, it will be too late. That’s where our little company comes in. Portable Power Solutions focuses on providing clean, silent, emission-free generators to events, concerts, and of course, backyard weddings.

(though we’re still not taking any chances)

Hosting a wedding in the time of COVID-19 may not turn out to be the day you planned, but it is still YOUR wedding and you will remember that day for the rest of your lives. IF you are planning a backyard ceremony or reception this year, think about catering, weather, attendees, and of course, your partner, but don’t forget about power. Make your wedding day your own. Make it memorable. On that day, you should be able to focus on the love. You shouldn’t have to worry about losing your lights, microphone and webcam just as you say, “I do.”